Day 10: Girls vs. Girls

I bet you’ve heard a woman say, “I just don’t like girls.” You might have said that yourself.

I’m not talking about orientation or parenting preference. I’m talking this weird stereotyping of your own kind.

Remember when Ariana Grande had that donut licking incident? She’s on record as having said, “I hate America.” Yes, she’s American. She’s not changing citizenship anytime soon. She claims to have said those words to express disdain for the unhealthy diets of many American citizens. She’s at a donut shop, though. Do you see what I’m getting at?

Women of all ages (but — an important distinction! — not all women) have said that they “just don’t like girls.” Why is this? A listicle:

  1. This implies that you are the only female you like. I’m pretty sure that if the shit stinks, check your own damn shoes.
  2. Isn’t this its own class of prejudice or stereotyping? Surely not EVERY female is unlikeable. But I know one who’s looking pretty sour right now.
  3. Yes, a lot of times someone “doesn’t like” something mostly because the thing doesn’t like them. Or because they don’t understand it. This is a defense mechanism. I’d love for the conversation to become about how she can accept other women, starting with herself.
  4. I promise you this isn’t as subjective as it sounds: it’s said with a bit of a chip on the shoulder. The same chip that’s in play to talk about how she “just really likes football” or she’s “just a regular person” (ahem, looking at you, Jennifer Lawrence). And a lot of women DO really like football or ARE regular people (duh). You know what I mean.
  5. What’s up with using the term “girl” instead of woman? I have no real statistics on this, but in general my memory’s audio files are telling me that generally these women dislike “other girls” and not “other women.” Perhaps revealing.

Several years ago, I was flipping through a magazine. On the last page was a quote from Emma Stone: “I don’t like women who don’t like other women.” (Caveat: I tried to look this up — I didn’t try that hard, tbh — but it mostly rendered links to “I don’t like women but I love Emma Stone!” so idk.) Amen, sister.

I have always been a girl’s girl: my friendships are forged much more easily with females more than males. I don’t understand men as well, and I am pretty sure that somewhere along the timeline of ol’ A-Dizzle I was severely mis-taught about men and their differences from women. Thankfully over time I have adapted to understand friendship with men, but I still make a point to hug HER before HIM when greeting a couple. I think it’s the inverse of the “I don’t like girls” problem. And this isn’t a 100% true statement: I have had consistent male friendships in my life. I am in a relationship with a man (hi honey! that’s you!). I can easily strike a conversation with most people, gender nonspecific. I have some interests that align me with the opposite gender, according to popular culture. I’m also a very imperfect person. I’m also a feminist. I also use the word “bitch” to reclaim it, to mean someone who’s REALLY FREAKIN’ FANTASTIC.

I’m sure that this issue has been examined very well by a more informed expert. I’m not that person. Still I know it’s not fair for a woman to say things like, “I don’t like other girls.” That’s an untrue blanket statement that can’t encompass all the nuances of gender and personality and behavior, and also you really don’t sound cool. I promise you. You really don’t sound cool.

The best links so far in April

I spend far too much time on the Internet. But you know what? It’s #educational! I click on anything that interests me, and anything that seems like I should know (mostly things like The Dress, The Baby with No Nose, etc). I also settle for just reading the title and looking at the associated image, which allows me to “ahh!” in recognition when others bring it up but secretly scramble to get more details before they find out I’m a faker.

 

Anyway, here’s the best links I’ve collected on my poor overworked phone browser. To establish my credibility in recommending these links, I will quote Ron Swanson in the best episode of Parks & Rec ever (“The Fight” in Season 3. Go watch immediately): “Son, you should know that my recommendation is essentially a guarantee.”

 

 

How to Breathe When Running: I am such a shallow breather, and I think it’s from always wanting to be sucked in. I’ll take the slightly puffier tummy if it means I can breathe more efficiently when running.

 

How to Overcome Burnout and Stay Motivated: every time I read the HBR I remember I should do it more often. This is such a problem for driven #millenials who obsess over a job they enjoy. Burnout, by the way, can transcend work — I experienced it hardcore a few months ago with my personal/extracurricular life more than work and it was gnarls Barkley (is it still cool to say that?). But that’s a separate post for another time.

 

Saturday Night Live Goes After Scientology, Clearly: or rather, after neurotology. There’s nothing as satisfying and universal as the American tradition of the SNL parody.

 

Why You Should Be a Christian Feminist: I’m not really prepared to discuss this little number fully but I’d love to hear your thoughts. The article doesn’t really make sense for any nonreligious people, so I realize the audience here is narrow, but for those Christian ladies (or gents!) who are reading, I want to hear every single thought in your head on this topic.

 

Having a Loaded Calendar Can Backfire: what really got me about this link was the tag line I saw on Facebook, which read “Stop the glorification of busy.” I have this theory (simply titled The Busyness Theory) that people feel validated and called to brag about being busy, when really it’s all about priorities. For example, someone might claim, “Sorry, I didn’t go to the bank to get cash to pay you back. I’ve been so busy.” Twenty minutes later, they’re recapping every minute of the Mad Men season premiere. Wow, you’re so fancy and busy.

 

Netflix: ok, sorry, nothing specific here. I just thought I should honor the way I spend 79% of my time.

 

Please immediately share with me every single awesome or intriguing or weird or hilarious item open in your phone browser. 

 

Anyone else like me and have 4749447 links opened to read…eventually?

Running with runners, and running silently

I’m really new to the Bay Area (under 5 months!) so in my effort to integrate, I joined a running club. Amazingly, these immediately became my people. 

That’s the cool thing about runners. Maybe it’s that sort of Stockholm Syndrome effect where you go through something difficult together and it bonds you inexplicably. (I’m sure there’s a term more specific to captive-captive bonding, as opposed to Stockholm Syndrome which is captive-captor bonding… Does anyone know?) In any case, I fell in love with a bunch of people who are willing to do the New Jersey Camera Point even after a run. 

 

(I am still super proud of my generosity for taking the photo instead of being in it. Just kidding, #strategic because I was still super sweaty and red.)

I run by myself far more often than I go with others though — mostly due to scheduling. Today I got a taste of desert beauty. 

 

Terrible photo because I DONT STOP FOR NO PICTURE! But you get the gist. 9 miles of palm trees today… Followed immediately by this:

 

Y’know, for Easter. This was at one of the classic desert restaurants, Las Casuelas Nuevas in Rancho Mirage, CA. It was perfect but given that I had just run 9 miles I sucked it down in three sips. 

This weekend was absolutely filled with food, by the way. SO MUCH FOOD. Easter brunch at Roy’s (like the Hawaiian fusion place) was surprisingly delightful with brioche sticky buns, ramen, and pork belly with eggs. And time in the pool was accompanied by “sangria”:

 

That was my cup btw. Just kidding! Ps: I’m pretending I’m making a huge feminist statement by posting this picture. I am a feminist, but maybe this picture is just a picture of a woman and a pitcher of white wine and a floating pineapple cooler? Maybe we should be more concerned that I didn’t properly use the pineapple as a drink cooler and holder? What do you think? #NoThighGapGate2015 #Scandal 

I also chose to make sure today’s mileage did not burn enough calories to compensate for my massive food enjoyment, so we went to Rita’s Italian Ice/Custard shop in La Quinta. JUST ATE THE WHOLE PLACE OUT OF BUSINESS, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT. 

 

I don’t know how I will return to normal food. I eat a lot of salads at work. Will my tastebuds even accept the non-sugar? If you see me pacing and shaking, looking for a sugar fix, PLEASE SEND HELP.  

What did you do for Easter?

Any feminists out there? Duh, of course there are! 

Best thing you ate this weekend? Extreme detail needed.